Finding My Spark… Again
“There’s something terrifyingly magical about realizing you’re not the same woman you were five years ago… hell, even five months ago. There’s beauty in evolution, yes—but let’s be real. It’s also messy. Confusing. Exhausting. Liberating. All at once.”
POV: me in my PJs, bonnet slipping, lukewarm coffee in hand (because when do I ever finish a hot cup of coffee as a mom), staring out the window like… Wow. I’m not that girl anymore. And not in the “I just needed my hair done” kind of way, but in that deep, soul-shifting way that sneaks up on you between school drop-offs and Zoom calls. The kind of shift that whispers, “My good sis, you’ve outgrown the old you—and that’s okay.”
One day you’re little girls playing house, and the next— you ARE the house. Bills, babies, throw pillows from HomeGoods, and a running mental checklist that never ends. Somewhere in all that, you blink, and BOOM—you’re a new woman. No buzzer, no finish line. Just a body that feels different, responsibilities you didn’t see coming, and a version of you that’s still learning, unlearning, and becoming.
And that’s really what this season is about for me: not chasing the old spark, but uncovering the new one. The grown woman spark. The “I’ve lived, I’ve stretched, I’ve survived” spark. So if you’ve ever looked in the mirror and thought, Where did she go?—this one’s for you.
Now let me say this before I go any further—none of this works without God. Period.
I truly believe a lot of us stay stuck (myself included) because we’re trying to write the story without including the co-author. There’s power in partnering with God to co-create the life you want. That means praying before planning, listening before leaping, and trusting that inner knowing even when the way isn’t clear.
I’m learning not to let life just happen to me. I’m curating joy. Choosing peace. Planning the memories I want my kids to carry with them 20 Christmases from now.
Evolution Isn’t Always Cute
Let’s talk about the transitions.
There’s the level up from being single and dreaming about your soulmate to being in the thick of a real, grown, committed relationship—where it’s not just cute brunch dates and falling asleep on the phone, but deep communication, conflict resolution, and daily choices to show up. Whew.
Then there’s the jump from “I only gotta worry about me” to “I’m responsible for tiny humans, a household, a calendar that looks like a game of Tetris, and somehow I’m supposed to still be sexy?”
The woman I had to be in those earlier chapters? She’s not who I am now. And she’s not who I’m becoming either. Every version of me has taught me something… but I’m learning to put down old versions of myself that no longer fit like a too-tight pair of jeans from a season I’ve outgrown.
“Losing” Yourself… and Finding Her Again
Let’s keep it real, sis. Sometimes, in all that evolution, we lose sight of ourselves.
In the relationship.
In the motherhood.
In the Monday-to-Friday madness.
We wake up and wonder, When did I stop dancing to my favorite songs? When did I stop reading for pleasure? When did I stop dreaming just for me?
That’s where I’ve been. In the in-between. The “I’m not who I used to be, but I’m still figuring out who I am now” space.
And that’s where the spark comes in.
The Spark Isn’t Gone, It’s Just Buried
That joy? That creativity? That excitement for life? It’s still in you. But sometimes, we gotta go dig her out. And that means checking in with yourself often. Like, real check-ins. What’s lighting me up? What’s draining me? What habits, people, patterns need to be lovingly released?
It’s not always easy. Sometimes it’s heartbreakingly hard. But what I know is this: you can’t become your favorite version of yourself by staying loyal to a version of you that no longer exists.
So I’m taking intentional steps. I’m giving myself permission to shift. To change my mind. To redefine what wellness, womanhood, and JOY look like for me in this chapter. Not last year. Not pre-baby. Right now.
Sis, You Will Find Your Spark Again
If you’re in that place of fog and fatigue—if you feel like you’ve lost your way in the motherhood, in the responsibilities, in the mundane—I see you. I am you. And I need you to know this:
Your spark is not gone. She’s just waiting on you.
One small step at a time.
One joyful habit at a time.
One powerful “you know what? hell yeah!” and one boundary-setting no at a time.
Show up for yourself the same way you show up for everyone else. Reclaim your joy. Prioritize your peace. Create your life on purpose.
Because that woman you’re becoming?
She’s worth it.
